1000 Days Sober Podcast

How Do I Become Someone That Doesn't Drink Alcohol?

The man was picking up cigarette butts. One. Two. Three. That man was me. Rummaging through the lipstick-smeared butts, 4.13 in the morning, all the shops shut, the coin-operated car washes sleeping under the stars. Me. I was that man. Standing outside Po Wings. Forkless. Digging into the chow mein, fingers for chopsticks. I was that man. An open door. A child explodes like a volcano, gripping my trouser leg. “Play with me!” “Play with me!” “PLAY WITH ME!” “In a bit, son.” I blink, and it was time to take him to bed. A few pages of The Hobbit and I was back adding to the dirty dishes. No blush. No red. Nothing but a mind, dead. I was that man. My love. My beautiful love. Where is she? A back full of love bites. And. Now. Nothing but fights. I think I heard a scream. A shout. I look around the house, and I see nothing but doubt. Tears stream down my face like they’ve eaten a fresh pear. I can’t do it. I can’t let go of the corkscrew; I do not dare. I am that man. A golf course full of mates holding clubs, staring at me, watching for my next move, before they decide to play the ball or me. I am something. I am someone. I am that man. Who am I without a bottle in my hand? Who am I if I’m not pogoing before the band? Checkmate. The king has been on its side for a decade, and I still can’t begin a new game. Fear. Fear of life itself. Fear of being found out. Fear of falling off the monkey bars. Fear of all those memoirs. The cigarette butts, the Chinese takeaways, the son running around the house craving love, the woman silently screaming at the end of the fingers of Edvard Munch. There is no free lunch. It’s time for the crunch. I can no longer be that man. I don’t want to be that man. But how? But how? God. Someone. Anyone. How? I’m not alone. Striver Karen asks, “how do I become someone that doesn’t drink alcohol?” And that’s what we try to figure out in today’s podcast. The Truth About Alcohol We Are Not Alcoholics, And we Refuse to be Anonymous Join Us & Our Community TTAA Taster: http://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAA%20Taster TTAA Intensive: https://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAAIntensive Strive Community: https://strive.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/

How Do I Stop Thinking About Alcohol?

Megan can’t stop thinking about alcohol. She writes to me, “How can I stop thinking about alcohol?” Megan, this is for you. In history class; my grey moccasins tap dancing underneath the table; 'Ching is Cock' inscribed into the desk with a compass, I have to focus on the Norman Conquest of England because I have a test I need to pass, so people will think that I am something special. People who slip on Jordans, or give golf clubs the spit shine, or lace up those gloves, and want to take this shit to the next level - they need to focus on nothing but the game. The flying saucer builders. The cancer curers. The movie star that doesn’t drink, trying to learn what a hangover feels like so they can play the role of an alcoholic to perfection. The 16-year-old kid who wants the driver instructor to say, "yes!" The 44-year-old foreigner who needs to pass the Indefinite Leave to Remain test or else be torn apart from her family. When I wake up, I think about alcohol. When I go to bed, I am thinking about alcohol. Every waking moment in between, I am thinking about alcohol. Alcoholism is an invisible, violent and dominant belief system. It infiltrates your DNA and remains unseen because you don’t think about it. If you want to be the best at what you do, then you need to focus on the goal with the keen eye of the Cyclops. You need to make the unseen seen. I want you to feel famished. I want you to starve. I want you to be prepared to grind every tooth to the nub chewing on thoughts of alcohol. Cognitive dissonance is a spiral staircase that takes you to a ghost holding a coffin lid with one hand, and a bottle of embalming fluid in another. But for every bottom, there is a top. If you want to stop thinking about alcohol, then you need to do nothing but think about alcohol. Climb the stairwell, don’t slide down the bannister. Stick your head above the clouds. Breathe. Breathe. For the first time in your life. Breathe. And we learn how to do that in today’s podcast. The Truth About Alcohol We Are Not Alcoholics, And we Refuse to be Anonymous Join Us & Our Community TTAA Taster: http://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAA%20Taster TTAA Intensive: https://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAAIntensive Strive Community: https://strive.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/

Igor Kurganov on Loneliness, Friendships and Serving Others

Igor Kurganov is a professional poker player and effective altruist. Kurganov is the founder of the effective altruism movement Raising for Effective Giving (REG), the non-profit of choice for The Truth About Alcohol. I caught up with Igor at the PokerStars Caribbean Adventure (PCA) in the Bahamas, and decided to share it with you because we cover interesting topics such as loneliness, networking and serving others. Links * 80,000 Hours Podcast: https://80000hours.org/podcast/ * 80,000 Hours Podcast Featuring Hilary Graves: https://bit.ly/2SOoGyP * 80,000 Hours Podcast Featuring Amanda Askell: https://bit.ly/2GoHzTj * 80,000 Hours Podcast Featuring Toby Ord: https://bit.ly/2BzxC1w * Julia Galef’s Rationally Speaking: https://bit.ly/2DFfdAh * Daniel Schmachtenberger’s podcast Future Thinkers: https://bit.ly/2SPlFOU * Seth Godin’s Akimbo Podcast: https://www.akimbo.me/ * Raising for Effective Giving: https://reg-charity.org/ Join Us & Our Community TTAA Taster: http://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAA%20Taster TTAA Intensive: https://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAAIntensive Strive Community: https://strive.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/

The Wonderful Things I Can Do With My Time Without Alcohol

Poverty. We think it’s a lack of money, but for me, it’s a lack of a discernible life. There was a time when I would sit on a pin and wouldn’t notice. Today, I sleep on a pile of mattresses 20 thick, and the pea feels like a cannonball. I lost my virginity on a bathroom floor devoid of sensation. My most intimate relationship, and my mentor when it came to how to please a woman were the peas hiding under my father’s side of the mattress. Later the computer became my guide. Pornographic pictures pummelling my palate like plutonium. Thinking about my old life, I see the Narnian wardrobe. I feel schizophrenic, rambling on about a world that no longer exists. I remember flying high and writing “There’s No Place Like Home,” on the side of an H-bomb, and then cutting the rope. Boom! Burnt toast. A lamb roast. A head through a window, blood dripping on my bright white Nikes, a crazed grin caught in the shards. A milk crate on top of a car; white blood spilling into the gutter. What a nutter. Naked in the middle of a lawn bowls competition. Handstands. A hand on the doorknob of temptation. The twist. The guilt. The pain. Showering the bartender. Fighting the bartender. Fighting the bouncer who is friends with the bartender. The bucket. Blue. White paint. Yellow bile tinged with blood. Broken factory windows; skinless knuckles wrapped around the brick; a mother calling me a prick. Zombified children are sitting on the settee playing Pokemon while parents get fucked up in another world. A woman is struggling to put shoes on a baby; a man shows her how it's done. A child lies in bed shouting to his parents because he wants to go ‘poo;’ the silent screams of two worms drowning in a home battered by sprinklers with nothing but blackbirds and the baking sun waiting to greet them. A job you hate. A strange woman, late. Spots. Blood clots. Dots. English, Welsh, Irish and the Scots. The life of someone lost in the fog of alcoholism is a crazy thing. The things I used to do with my time bordered on the insane to the mundane - a life inert through ball and chain. Enough. Enough. Enough pain. Striver Brad asks, “What wonderful things can I do with my time without alcohol?” And that’s what we talk about in today’s podcast. The Truth About Alcohol We Are Not Alcoholics, And we Refuse to be Anonymous Join Us & Our Community TTAA Taster: http://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAA%20Taster TTAA Intensive: https://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAAIntensive Strive Community: https://strive.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/

I am Someone That Doesn't Drink Alcohol; You Got a Problem With That?

When I was a kid, I was the jumper in your closet that you never wore. I wasn’t good enough; I looked different, I was different. I could feel it in my marrow; the dogs would bark at me; people would throw sticks and stones at me. My Dad saved me. My Dad. Of all people. My Dad. “The next time someone calls you a Chink, I want you to punch them as hard as you can.” So I did. His name was Daniel, and my blow knocked him on his arse. I was on him like a whiskey on ice. He cried, told me to leave him alone. I got to my feet and reached out a hand. He grabbed it, blood pouring from his bugle like nose. And. Then. He. Punched me. I burst into tears and ran all the way home past the barking dogs, only this time they were laughing at me. That was the last time I cried due to physical pain. I was ten. No punch ever hurt after that, and there have been a lot. I would never teach my children to punch first and ask questions later, but my Dad taught me a lesson that runs much deeper than flattening pimpled skin with my fist. You have to stand up straight with your shoulders back. I just did it. Right now. As I typed. I sat up straight with my shoulders back. The feeling was palpable. I felt bigger, stronger, and more energised. When I stood up to my bullies instead of shirking away from them my bullies shirked from me. When we become people that don’t drink alcohol the bullies come out in force. It’s the only way they know to keep the cognitive dissonance at bay. When you tell people that you’re someone that doesn’t drink alcohol, and they ridicule you, in the slightest way, aggressive, passive-aggressive, I don’t care - they are bullying you. Stand up straight with your shoulders back. The best way to stiffen your back is to evoke a sense of pride. Be proud of who you are and the monumental change you have made. Let that pride ooze out of you. Spread that energy. Stand up straight with your shoulders back. If you do this. If you act like this. If you become this. Then the bullies will move onto someone else. That’s how you deal with coming out, and that’s what we talk about on today’s podcast. The Truth About Alcohol We Are Not Alcoholics, And we Refuse to be Anonymous Join Us & Our Community TTAA Taster: http://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAA%20Taster TTAA Intensive: https://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAAIntensive Strive Community: https://strive.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/

When You Become Someone That Doesn’t Drink Alcohol Don’t Listen to People Sitting in the Cheap Seats

I never leave the Coliseum. Blood. Sweat. Heads. Arms. Feet. I never leave because you are here, and I want to fight alongside you. We need each other, you and I, because we’re all alone. There is a volcano inside of every one of us. Sleeping. Shhh. Ridicule us if you dare. We will explode like cans of Coke in the pockets of the loop da loop riders. How fucking dare you. There is no problem here. We can see! We can see! You are so far back in the cheap seats you’re blind and deaf to the truth. To you, we are oddities washed up on a beach; struggling to breathe. Huddle around. Stare. Raise your sticks and stones. Poke. Throw. Laugh. Kick. Whisper sweet ‘who the fuck do they think they are’ into each other’s ears. Break our bones. We have never been more alive. Give us the 'thumbs down'. Share your 'dislikes'. Do it. We understand because we were you. But now we are us. The people that don’t drink alcohol. TRUTH. AWARENESS. FREEDOM. Those are our weapons. 'Resistance' is the enemy. And we're not afraid to fight. We do it daily. We’re making the greatest change in our lives, one that will impact the world in many beautiful ways. We can’t even see you. We can’t even hear you. Who are you? And this is what we talk about in today’s podcast. The Truth About Alcohol We Are Not Alcoholics, And we Refuse to be Anonymous Join Us & Our Community TTAA Taster: http://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAA%20Taster TTAA Intensive: https://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAAIntensive Strive Community: https://strive.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/

Take 100% Responsibility For Your Life Including Your Addiction To Alcohol

Hot tears track like lava down the side of my face. How could she do this to me? Are the angels playing ‘Fortnite’? I need them to see me; to see this travesty. The pressure is intense. I feel like the Hoover Dam. Plain. Jane. Arms like thorny stems, tearing her apart each time I reach out for a hit of love. A fever starts to build. I feel like a slave, but to what, to whom? My daughter tells me that she’s a turtle. “I’m blind like a turtle, Dad.” I tell her that turtles aren’t blind, try being a mole. Then I go back on the attack. Or is it the defence? Am I a mole? Turtle? I am certainly blind. I cannot see a way out of this mess. The only thing I see is the bottle, like a Siren, screaming sense, manifesting meaning, puking up purpose. Why is it so difficult to admit that I am wrong? Why can’t I find that grain of truth? Why do I allow my beliefs to blindfold me, and my values viscerate me? Why can’t I take responsibility? Full responsibility? 100% responsibility? And that’s what we talk about during today’s podcast. The Truth About Alcohol We Are Not Alcoholics, And we Refuse to be Anonymous Join Us & Our Community TTAA Taster: http://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAA%20Taster TTAA Intensive: https://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAAIntensive Strive Community: https://strive.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/

TV Presenter & Poker Pro Liv Boeree on Positive Thinking, Probabilistic Thinking, And More

During my time at the PokerStars Player’s No-Limit Hold’em Championship in the Bahamas I interviewed the professional poker player, TV presenter and effective altruist, Liv Boeree. While the content begins with a conversation about poker, it quickly turns into a discussion on life focusing on positive and probabilistic thinking, loneliness and friendship. Here is the article I refer to during the interview: How an 18th-century priest gave us the tools to make better decisions https://bit.ly/2QJhXVQ The Truth About Alcohol We Are Not Alcoholics, And we Refuse to be Anonymous Join Us & Our Community TTAA Taster: http://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAA%20Taster TTAA Intensive: https://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAAIntensive Strive Community: https://strive.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/

Death

I flex my muscles. Wedge my feet into the blocks. Stare at the finish line. Breathe. I find the courage to look right. Gravestones bent at ungodly angles. Holding a whip that looks like a telephone cord in one hand, and a bottle of bloodshed in the other, cigarette ash hanging from a hole in the wall, is death. The ash breaks. The first speck hits the ground. The smell of cordite fills the air. I am off. So is he. Cackling like Coca-Cola. Will I spend enough time with my children. Will I spend enough time with my wife. Will I travel the world. Will I learn to pour some sugar on my anger. Will I write a book. Will I create a movement of a million people that don’t drink alcohol. Will I? Will I? Or will it beat me? Will this thing get to me before I get to it? And then I get it. It hits me like that first snort of Amyl nitrate. I stop. Death does too. I hunch down, breathing hard, my heart trying to play tag with the floor. A cackle of my own frees itself from my lungs, and I can’t stop laughing. I look over at death, and he begins to disappear, slowly, surely, like an ice cube melting under the searing heat of the poison that felt so familiar for so many years. Only one gravestone remains. I walk over to it. “Lee Davy” And beneath. “Stop Running.” And that’s what we talk about in today’s podcast. The Truth About Alcohol We Are Not Alcoholics, And we Refuse to be Anonymous Join Us & Our Community TTAA Taster: http://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAA%20Taster TTAA Intensive: https://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAAIntensive Strive Community: https://strive.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/

My Life Was Full

Another poem by Rupi Kaur from 'The Sun And Her Flowers' that spoke to me. “You were mine, and my life was full you are no longer mine, and my life is full.” How does it speak to you? Tell me. Ask others. The Truth About Alcohol We Are Not Alcoholics, And we Refuse to be Anonymous Join Us & Our Community TTAA Taster: http://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAA%20Taster TTAA Intensive: https://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAAIntensive Strive Community: https://strive.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/