The Truth About Alcohol (Why Quitting Feels So Hard)

Power

I spent my entire life trying to ‘fit-in’. Then I became someone that doesn’t drink alcohol. A thread bounces in the breeze of an open door. If I pull it, I run the danger of becoming a bore. If I leave it...man...how can I leave it…I know I’m not going to like what’s in store. When you become someone that doesn’t drink alcohol life can seem a bit of a struggle. You’re no longer the table top wizard; now you’re a muggle. The world is well. Then you stop. You look around, and you’re standing in a bomb crater, and yet, you don’t remember the tick-tick-tock. You check your arms and your legs, and you seem to be all there, but something is missing. Something. Is. Missing. And that’s what we explore in today’s podcast. The Truth About Alcohol We Are Not Alcoholics, And we Refuse to be Anonymous Join Us & Our Community TTAA Taster: http://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAA%20Taster TTAA Intensive: https://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAAIntensive Strive Community: https://strive.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/

Colour Code Personality Science With Striver Claes

I always wanted to Bruce Lee. I wanted to 'Enter the Dragon'. I wanted to be a star. I wanted to be noticed. Had I 'noticed', I would have realised that Bruce Lee was more introvert than extrovert. It would have been a crucial observation because as I ran through the swings karate kicking my friends in the balls, and head butting polystyrene walls, I thought that if you were an introvert, you might as well jump over Niagara Falls. When I was a drinker, had you cut me open with a rusty pocket knife, then the letters E X T R O V E R and T would have fallen into the fruit bowl alongside the pineapples, oranges and lychee. And then I stopped. Drinking. And as time stilled, and the waffles leapt from the toaster, and rich tea biscuits fell apart over my coaster, I began to wonder if the story I had created since the beginning of 'cool as fuck teenage time' was true. Was I an extrovert? I didn’t feel like one. And I think this search for who we are is an important one because it allows us to stick a stiletto in the sand and say. NO MORE! I love this person. And this one. And this one. And this one. And I vow to communicate with them in a way that doesn’t lead to me wanting to deliver the Bruce Lee 'one-inch death punch'. It’s not easy though. Discovering who we are. But at Strive we can help, and that’s what we talk about in today’s podcast when yours truly and Striver Claes speak about our intention of introducing Colour Code Personality Science into our TTAA philosophy. The Truth About Alcohol We Are Not Alcoholics, And we Refuse to be Anonymous Join Us & Our Community TTAA Taster: http://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAA%20Taster TTAA Intensive: https://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAAIntensive Strive Community: https://strive.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/

Stella & Georgie on the Child/Parent Alcohol Dynamic

A Polaroid snap. A desperate need for that feather in the cap. You thought your childhood was beautiful. You felt loved; you had fun; you don’t know what all the fuss is about, but I am telling you that when I was someone that drank alcohol, I was a Brussel sprout. Kids. Such beautiful things. Kurt Douglas dimples in chins, sweet, sweet eyes, the smell of baby breath, and then I come along with the stench of death. Hoisting them onto my shoulders, swerving this way and that like a giraffe trying to become the zoo acrobat. I could have done much more. I could have been much more. And that’s why I want to create this movement of a million people. I want our children to see that it’s cool to be someone that doesn’t drink alcohol, but first, we need to wake the fuck up and take a look at the devastation that we are wreaking in this world. Every time we hold a bottle of wine or a can of lager in our hand we are a walking, talking billboard for the alcohol industry. Our children become us: the imagery; the immorality; the constant psychological battery. And that’s why today’s podcast is so crucial. A child telling her mother how her drinking drove their relationship to a dead-end, and how the transformation to someone that doesn’t drink alcohol means she’s now her best friend. Stella. Georgie. Thanks for your honesty, courage and bravery. Here is today’s podcast. The Truth About Alcohol We Are Not Alcoholics, And we Refuse to be Anonymous Join Us & Our Community TTAA Taster: http://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAA%20Taster TTAA Intensive: https://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAAIntensive Strive Community: https://strive.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/

The Hack

A cigarette machine is an evil thing, and as he stood there before me, shaking nervously, I wanted to hold my finger in the air, hail a cab, find the nearest dive bar, buy one, bring it back, and pound him over the head with it. He called me a ‘hack.’ I had to look it up on the Internet. God Google told me that back in the day it was a term used to describe an ‘ordinary horse.’ In the more modern sense, he was calling me a shit writer. Gut muscles tightened. My father’s voice emerged from the Bermuda Triangle of my mind. “Stick the head in him.” Here was this man, standing before me, telling me that I was nothing more than someone who sits behind a computer ‘banging buttons.’ How do I take that feedback? Do I don a bib and scoop that shit into my mind, making it mine, coating me in a slimy film of lack. Do I give him volley right back? It felt like I was having a heart attack. When we become people that don’t drink alcohol people will stand before us armed with sticks and stones wanting to break our bones. How we react is of prime importance. We have a choice. We always have a choice. Resistance will tell us that they are right and we are wrong, but it’s time for you to grow a pair of balls bigger than King Kong. Feedback is crucial, but we don’t blindly accept it because we crave approval. What do you do in the face of such negativity? Do we accept a state of passivity, or do we start to embrace a higher standard of selectivity? That’s what I talk about in today’s podcast. The Truth About Alcohol We Are Not Alcoholics, And we Refuse to be Anonymous Join Us & Our Community TTAA Taster: http://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAA%20Taster TTAA Intensive: https://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAAIntensive Strive Community: https://strive.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/

When Talking About Alcohol Choose Your Dance Partner Wisely

John is in his 70s. He looks like Al Capone, resplendent with fedora, black and white from head to toe, including those unmistakeable shoes. He’s no gangster. He would look equally at home standing on a rooftop covered in soot. He’s been dancing again. He dances 2-3 times per week. It’s one of the reasons he doesn’t look a year over 60 - that, and he’s someone that doesn’t drink alcohol. I’m trying to change the world, but John has my ear. I take my cans off and give him my undivided attention. It doesn’t matter where John lays down his groove; he’s always the best. I know this because John always tells me this. A tidal wave of confidence flushing the brown smelly stuff from my lugholes. John explains how beautiful it is to find the perfect dance partner, but given his Fred Astaire standing in the world, it’s as rare as a bald eagle dipping into your cat bowl for a spot of Whiskers. Any less than perfect, and there is a mismatch. John has to hold back and dance at the level of the person staring into those ancient eyes. They are hitchhikers; John always has the wheel; dragging those feet, handbrake partially applied. He wants to roll. Roll baby roll. We are always dancing, and it’s crucial when we do that we have the right dance partner. Take the dance between the person starting as someone that doesn’t drink alcohol and the zombie suffering from the deaf effect. It’s demoralising to talk about your new found wisdom when you know the person can’t hear you. Off you go. Invisible. Violent. Dominant. Belief System. You want to roll. Roll baby roll. They can’t keep up, and before you know it, you are both lying on the floor wondering what the fuck went wrong. When talking about alcohol choose your dance partner wisely, and that’s what we talk about in today’s podcast. The Truth About Alcohol We Are Not Alcoholics, And we Refuse to be Anonymous Join Us & Our Community TTAA Taster: http://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAA%20Taster TTAA Intensive: https://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAAIntensive Strive Community: https://strive.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/

How Do I Become Someone That Doesn't Drink Alcohol?

The man was picking up cigarette butts. One. Two. Three. That man was me. Rummaging through the lipstick-smeared butts, 4.13 in the morning, all the shops shut, the coin-operated car washes sleeping under the stars. Me. I was that man. Standing outside Po Wings. Forkless. Digging into the chow mein, fingers for chopsticks. I was that man. An open door. A child explodes like a volcano, gripping my trouser leg. “Play with me!” “Play with me!” “PLAY WITH ME!” “In a bit, son.” I blink, and it was time to take him to bed. A few pages of The Hobbit and I was back adding to the dirty dishes. No blush. No red. Nothing but a mind, dead. I was that man. My love. My beautiful love. Where is she? A back full of love bites. And. Now. Nothing but fights. I think I heard a scream. A shout. I look around the house, and I see nothing but doubt. Tears stream down my face like they’ve eaten a fresh pear. I can’t do it. I can’t let go of the corkscrew; I do not dare. I am that man. A golf course full of mates holding clubs, staring at me, watching for my next move, before they decide to play the ball or me. I am something. I am someone. I am that man. Who am I without a bottle in my hand? Who am I if I’m not pogoing before the band? Checkmate. The king has been on its side for a decade, and I still can’t begin a new game. Fear. Fear of life itself. Fear of being found out. Fear of falling off the monkey bars. Fear of all those memoirs. The cigarette butts, the Chinese takeaways, the son running around the house craving love, the woman silently screaming at the end of the fingers of Edvard Munch. There is no free lunch. It’s time for the crunch. I can no longer be that man. I don’t want to be that man. But how? But how? God. Someone. Anyone. How? I’m not alone. Striver Karen asks, “how do I become someone that doesn’t drink alcohol?” And that’s what we try to figure out in today’s podcast. The Truth About Alcohol We Are Not Alcoholics, And we Refuse to be Anonymous Join Us & Our Community TTAA Taster: http://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAA%20Taster TTAA Intensive: https://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAAIntensive Strive Community: https://strive.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/

How Do I Stop Thinking About Alcohol?

Megan can’t stop thinking about alcohol. She writes to me, “How can I stop thinking about alcohol?” Megan, this is for you. In history class; my grey moccasins tap dancing underneath the table; 'Ching is Cock' inscribed into the desk with a compass, I have to focus on the Norman Conquest of England because I have a test I need to pass, so people will think that I am something special. People who slip on Jordans, or give golf clubs the spit shine, or lace up those gloves, and want to take this shit to the next level - they need to focus on nothing but the game. The flying saucer builders. The cancer curers. The movie star that doesn’t drink, trying to learn what a hangover feels like so they can play the role of an alcoholic to perfection. The 16-year-old kid who wants the driver instructor to say, "yes!" The 44-year-old foreigner who needs to pass the Indefinite Leave to Remain test or else be torn apart from her family. When I wake up, I think about alcohol. When I go to bed, I am thinking about alcohol. Every waking moment in between, I am thinking about alcohol. Alcoholism is an invisible, violent and dominant belief system. It infiltrates your DNA and remains unseen because you don’t think about it. If you want to be the best at what you do, then you need to focus on the goal with the keen eye of the Cyclops. You need to make the unseen seen. I want you to feel famished. I want you to starve. I want you to be prepared to grind every tooth to the nub chewing on thoughts of alcohol. Cognitive dissonance is a spiral staircase that takes you to a ghost holding a coffin lid with one hand, and a bottle of embalming fluid in another. But for every bottom, there is a top. If you want to stop thinking about alcohol, then you need to do nothing but think about alcohol. Climb the stairwell, don’t slide down the bannister. Stick your head above the clouds. Breathe. Breathe. For the first time in your life. Breathe. And we learn how to do that in today’s podcast. The Truth About Alcohol We Are Not Alcoholics, And we Refuse to be Anonymous Join Us & Our Community TTAA Taster: http://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAA%20Taster TTAA Intensive: https://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAAIntensive Strive Community: https://strive.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/

Igor Kurganov on Loneliness, Friendships and Serving Others

Igor Kurganov is a professional poker player and effective altruist. Kurganov is the founder of the effective altruism movement Raising for Effective Giving (REG), the non-profit of choice for The Truth About Alcohol. I caught up with Igor at the PokerStars Caribbean Adventure (PCA) in the Bahamas, and decided to share it with you because we cover interesting topics such as loneliness, networking and serving others. Links * 80,000 Hours Podcast: https://80000hours.org/podcast/ * 80,000 Hours Podcast Featuring Hilary Graves: https://bit.ly/2SOoGyP * 80,000 Hours Podcast Featuring Amanda Askell: https://bit.ly/2GoHzTj * 80,000 Hours Podcast Featuring Toby Ord: https://bit.ly/2BzxC1w * Julia Galef’s Rationally Speaking: https://bit.ly/2DFfdAh * Daniel Schmachtenberger’s podcast Future Thinkers: https://bit.ly/2SPlFOU * Seth Godin’s Akimbo Podcast: https://www.akimbo.me/ * Raising for Effective Giving: https://reg-charity.org/ Join Us & Our Community TTAA Taster: http://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAA%20Taster TTAA Intensive: https://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAAIntensive Strive Community: https://strive.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/

The Wonderful Things I Can Do With My Time Without Alcohol

Poverty. We think it’s a lack of money, but for me, it’s a lack of a discernible life. There was a time when I would sit on a pin and wouldn’t notice. Today, I sleep on a pile of mattresses 20 thick, and the pea feels like a cannonball. I lost my virginity on a bathroom floor devoid of sensation. My most intimate relationship, and my mentor when it came to how to please a woman were the peas hiding under my father’s side of the mattress. Later the computer became my guide. Pornographic pictures pummelling my palate like plutonium. Thinking about my old life, I see the Narnian wardrobe. I feel schizophrenic, rambling on about a world that no longer exists. I remember flying high and writing “There’s No Place Like Home,” on the side of an H-bomb, and then cutting the rope. Boom! Burnt toast. A lamb roast. A head through a window, blood dripping on my bright white Nikes, a crazed grin caught in the shards. A milk crate on top of a car; white blood spilling into the gutter. What a nutter. Naked in the middle of a lawn bowls competition. Handstands. A hand on the doorknob of temptation. The twist. The guilt. The pain. Showering the bartender. Fighting the bartender. Fighting the bouncer who is friends with the bartender. The bucket. Blue. White paint. Yellow bile tinged with blood. Broken factory windows; skinless knuckles wrapped around the brick; a mother calling me a prick. Zombified children are sitting on the settee playing Pokemon while parents get fucked up in another world. A woman is struggling to put shoes on a baby; a man shows her how it's done. A child lies in bed shouting to his parents because he wants to go ‘poo;’ the silent screams of two worms drowning in a home battered by sprinklers with nothing but blackbirds and the baking sun waiting to greet them. A job you hate. A strange woman, late. Spots. Blood clots. Dots. English, Welsh, Irish and the Scots. The life of someone lost in the fog of alcoholism is a crazy thing. The things I used to do with my time bordered on the insane to the mundane - a life inert through ball and chain. Enough. Enough. Enough pain. Striver Brad asks, “What wonderful things can I do with my time without alcohol?” And that’s what we talk about in today’s podcast. The Truth About Alcohol We Are Not Alcoholics, And we Refuse to be Anonymous Join Us & Our Community TTAA Taster: http://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAA%20Taster TTAA Intensive: https://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAAIntensive Strive Community: https://strive.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/

I am Someone That Doesn't Drink Alcohol; You Got a Problem With That?

When I was a kid, I was the jumper in your closet that you never wore. I wasn’t good enough; I looked different, I was different. I could feel it in my marrow; the dogs would bark at me; people would throw sticks and stones at me. My Dad saved me. My Dad. Of all people. My Dad. “The next time someone calls you a Chink, I want you to punch them as hard as you can.” So I did. His name was Daniel, and my blow knocked him on his arse. I was on him like a whiskey on ice. He cried, told me to leave him alone. I got to my feet and reached out a hand. He grabbed it, blood pouring from his bugle like nose. And. Then. He. Punched me. I burst into tears and ran all the way home past the barking dogs, only this time they were laughing at me. That was the last time I cried due to physical pain. I was ten. No punch ever hurt after that, and there have been a lot. I would never teach my children to punch first and ask questions later, but my Dad taught me a lesson that runs much deeper than flattening pimpled skin with my fist. You have to stand up straight with your shoulders back. I just did it. Right now. As I typed. I sat up straight with my shoulders back. The feeling was palpable. I felt bigger, stronger, and more energised. When I stood up to my bullies instead of shirking away from them my bullies shirked from me. When we become people that don’t drink alcohol the bullies come out in force. It’s the only way they know to keep the cognitive dissonance at bay. When you tell people that you’re someone that doesn’t drink alcohol, and they ridicule you, in the slightest way, aggressive, passive-aggressive, I don’t care - they are bullying you. Stand up straight with your shoulders back. The best way to stiffen your back is to evoke a sense of pride. Be proud of who you are and the monumental change you have made. Let that pride ooze out of you. Spread that energy. Stand up straight with your shoulders back. If you do this. If you act like this. If you become this. Then the bullies will move onto someone else. That’s how you deal with coming out, and that’s what we talk about on today’s podcast. The Truth About Alcohol We Are Not Alcoholics, And we Refuse to be Anonymous Join Us & Our Community TTAA Taster: http://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAA%20Taster TTAA Intensive: https://www.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/p/TTAAIntensive Strive Community: https://strive.thetruthaboutalcohol.co.uk/